When words fall short

When the back of his fingers touched her cheeks, brushing her hair off her face, tucking them behind her ear; she pretended she didn’t notice it. She kept talking the way she was, although, she couldn’t hear her own words anymore. Though she wished she could hold his hand right there, close her eyes and freeze in the moment. Yet, she pretended to not have noticed. For a millisecond perhaps, she had forgotten what she was saying. She could feel the oxygen go into her lungs while breathing, along with the fragrance of his cologne. Yet, within that millisecond she composed herself and pretended to not have noticed.

She completed her sentence and rested her head on his chest while his arm was on her shoulder. The cramped backseat of the car that eve was the most comfortable ride she had ever had. He gently kissed the top of her head and placed his own on it. All eyes closed for some time. She kept sitting the way she was, didn’t move an inch; she pretended again to not have noticed. Though she was shivering now, it had sent a chill down her spine, the butterflies could be felt; she pretended to not have noticed.

The cold December evening felt so warm. They cuddled closer. They hadn’t said a word to each other in the past half hour yet they had talked so much. They had revealed their anxieties and their vulnerability could be sensed. Although there were other ongoing conversations with other people around; yet all of them pretended to not have noticed these two.

She lightly clutched his hand seeking for the security she sees in him, telling him all about her fears of losing him. Letting him know how devastated she felt even by the thought of him leaving. He understood her. He knew he had to stay for her. The gesture just said it all but he had to pretend to not have noticed it.

They had to get off finally, but they weren’t ready to give up on each other’s company as yet. They weren’t prepared. They were both too fragile in the moment to be able to say good bye. So he decided to walk her home. Trying to come to their defences again, putting up their guards, they started talking; with words this time. Reviving their senses, they pretended nothing had happened at all.

A minute into the street, both felt cold. She wrapped her hands with the hand knit black scarf she was carrying, he reached for them slipping his own hand into it.

They walked on that road unafraid of all those eyes that had been staring at them. All those people driving and the ones casually out for a walk, and those kids who knew her friends or that girl he had once claimed to have loved; any one could be staring at them, but in that moment, they pretended to not have noticed.

They kept talking for all that while. Anyone listening to them could’ve claimed they were talking real. Talking about emotions, bonds, lives, relationships, families but both of them knew they weren’t. They had to cross the busy evening road, when everyone was coming home. He shuffled her hand into his other, pulled her behind him, clearing the way for her while they walked to the other side.
She knew he cared. All this time she was trying to look into his eyes when he was too busy protecting her. He pretended to not have noticed.

As they reached the place they were headed to, she told him she didn’t want to go. Out loud this time. He didn’t protest at all and told her he had no intention of dropping her off so soon and so they turned around to walk in the opposite direction. They didn’t know why they did it or what they were looking for or intending. But perhaps they did; Yet they chose to pretend that they didn’t.
Finally like all good things it came to an end. Like all things rather, everything comes to an end. They had to part. The way it generally happened was, they hugged each other, said the good bye(s), looked into each other’s eyes one last time and go.

But the words that did the talking tonight, were not what they had in their minds.
No, they didn’t fight, they could never hurt each other in their dreams. But they said things they hadn’t planned to, things they never wanted to say. They hurt themselves. Both of them did. He was sorry, he was guilty, he was troubled himself but he didn’t let that emotion overpower the guilt. He could never admit it was her fault. He didn’t want her to go. She was different, she was in pain. But she didn’t want to look sad and weak. She instead chose to look strong and stubborn and upset. She didn’t want to go either. Yet, she held her tears back, he held his steps back. She walked past him and went home. He stood there with a little hope that she would turn around. But he watched her walk away.

She pretented as if she didn’t notice.
He pretended as if he didn’t notice.